"THE FUNERAL"

First you need to meet him. This is Jensen, last Thanksgiving, with Maddi on his shoulders.

I've stared at this blank page for a long time and I'm not sure where I need to start with this.
It may be out of order. I had begun to write from the beginning, that day, when suddenly in seconds that took hours to unfold, the world became a different place for those who knew and loved Jensen Morgan Gelbaum. Then my computer froze. I had to restart it, lost what I had written so far, and now, I'm starting with the funeral instead of "that day".


I've already told you a lot about him, and although I knew how much he was loved by family and friends, I really couldn't conceive the numbers. He had all the best traits one could ask for in a young man. He was a best son, brother, friend, cousin, nephew, grandson anyone could ask for. Respectful, hard-working, intelligent, handsome, funny, silly in fact, spiritual, organized, helpful, trustworthy, trusting, generous, thoughtful, kind...the list goes on and on. Most of all, he loved life, and believed in living it to the fullest. He loved making those around him happy. Telling funny stories about himself and his experiences with others to get everyone laughing was his favorite pastime. Taking his buddies up on dares, silly things like dressing up in a pair of Speedos and a boy scout shirt, and going inside Burger King to order. Nobody could be in a bad mood around him. His life was cut short at 23.

The Rabbi had no trouble at all, giving a beautiful service in his honor. But the eulogy spoken by his 26 year old sister, Rikki, will be remembered by all of the estimated 900+ people attending his funeral. She began by saying, "I'll be happier when" (does that sound familiar?)..and she listed the various stages of life, marriage, better jobs, degrees, babies, children growing up, better cars, bigger homes, etc. All the things people aspire to that they think will make them happy. Throwing in his various nicknames, throughout the commentary, Tree, Jet, Jetter, etc. Then she talked about how HE lived HIS life. Basically how happiness is within the journey, not the future goals & destinations. At the end, she said "I know you are all here, because you loved Jensen, and he loved each and every one of you too....but he loved ME more!" In that brief moment, her declaration of the love that they shared, made mine and probably every other heart there. soar, despite the grief we were all feeling.

The funeral was held outside, graveside and it was a beautiful, sunny day. There wasn't a funeral home large enough to handle the number of people coming. A large family, immediate, and extended, his father's friends and entire family from NY, a busload of 60 co-workers from the restaurant/bistro in Columbus, where both he and Rikki worked, classmates who flew in from all over the country, Shelly's friends from the Rick Springfield fan club, driving from as far away as Minnesota, her co-workers and other associates from the county courthouse, my family and our mutual friends, teachers, coaches, kids much younger AND older who knew him and knew him well through his cousins, parents of those kids, etc, etc. Some believe there were more than 900 attending, and I know of many who could not find the cemetary and missed the funeral, not by choice.

At the end of the service, the Rabbi announced, however the microphone wasn't on, that the immediate family should go to the Shelly's for the traditional dairy meal and prayers, while the rest of those attending were invited to my house. This would mark the beginning of "sitting shivah" which means sitting for seven days, for friends to stop by and offer their personal condolences. The Jewish religion is rich in customs and traditions, most having 3 or 4 possible meanings behind them, many deriving from superstions, and mysticism from the early teachings of cabala. I'll go into some of them in another letter. We estimate around 300 people here by mid-afternoon. The day has been described as most horrible yet beautiful, solemn jubilation, unconventional but fitting, and just as Jensen would have wanted it. Just about every "rule" in the guideline of sitting shivah were broken. There were two rabbis involved, one reform or conservative, (i'm not sure), and the other, orthodox. The latter stopped by in the afternoon, to perform a minyon, (ten men) prayer, right in my backyard. Shelly told him that she hoped he wasn't offended by anything, and he said he wasn't but............ it looked like a big party, and that party had been going on for days.

The funeral itself, was mostly like any other, which surprised those who had never been to a Jewish funeral. They are not so different, and that shouldn't surprise anyone since Judaism IS the Old Testament. The 23rd psalm was recited...an Irish proverb, that Rikki chose was recited, 2 religious leaders and a couple family members spoke, including Shelly. There are not usually any calling hours, the sitting shivah taking the place of that. All are buried in a plain pine box, and dressed in a simple shroud, so that all are equal when returned to God. One especially nice thing they did at this one, was for the crowd to separate, making a path in the middle, creating well wishers on either side of the family as we walked out of the cemetary. It was to give us comfort, although I found little of it...but it was a nice idea. The Kaddish is recited, and is continually recited by family for the next 30 days. Solemnly spoke, in Hebrew, it's known as the prayer for the dead, but translated, is almost identical to what you know as The Lord's Prayer. No reference to death in it at all.
All are invited to participate in shoveling the dirt onto the coffin, first a small amount from the backside of the shovel, then a full shovel. My children and I did not take part. However, one of his cousins and two friends, both non-jews, stayed to put all the dirt that remained, down to the last tiny speck.

Written by
Wendy Goldberg (Jensen's Aunt)
June 27, 2004